Includes bibliographical references (pages 287-293).

Introduction: how to be filled with dread -- How to not be a psychopath -- How to be cult susceptible -- How to secure a miracle tooth -- How to email God -- How to become obsessed with food -- How to start panicking about your face -- How to focus on the wrong cure -- How to let everyone know you suck -- How to try every diet -- How to be extremely dramatic -- How to pray for a new face -- How to be obsessed with beauty -- How to have a horrible time in France -- How to lose feeling in half of your face -- How to be an actual cheese grater in a musical -- How to not know you have an eating disorder -- How to have no blood -- How to cope when your parent has cancer -- How to join the cult of raw veganism -- How to make a vision tin -- How to think positive thoughts, or else -- How to lose your ego for a month -- How to lose your voice -- How to have a nervous breakdown -- How to get another new face -- How to become a French woman -- How to become rich on the Internet -- How to eat like a cavewoman -- How to stop dieting -- How to rule out every miracle cure -- How to heal your creative soul -- How to be a receptionist who's afraid of the phone -- How to feel -- How to be extreme about everything -- How to figure out what's depleting you -- How to figure out if you're ALLOWED to be tired -- How to reconcile the privilege of rest -- How to claim rest -- How to be OK dying alone -- How to be addicted to busyness -- How to sort of do a bad job at resting -- How to take things off your (figurative) plate -- How to have boundaries -- How to heal chronic exhaustion -- How to live.